Who’d win The Traitors if it was played by darts pros? We ranked all 16
- Mike Stamp
- Jan 27
- 4 min read
Sixteen dart players. One castle. No walk-ons, no crowd, and no double to bail you out when everyone suddenly decides you’re “acting a bit weird”.
Darts and The Traitors should have nothing in common. One’s about calm, control and doing the same thing perfectly over and over. The other is about paranoia, vibes, and getting voted out because you looked shifty while buttering toast. And yet… put elite dart players in a room together and it starts to feel strangely familiar.
So, with zero psychological training and far too many hours watching both darts and The Traitors, here’s how the top 16 PDC players would really get on once the oche is replaced by the round table.
16.
Out immediately.
MVG cannot hide anything. He walks into the castle like he owns it, dominates the missions, stares people down at breakfast and says things like “I know who it is” with zero evidence. Which, crucially, is exactly what a Traitor would do.
Banished before the first cloak even dries.
15.
Too intense. Too loud. Too Welsh about it.
Even if completely innocent, someone would say “I just don’t trust that roar” and the room would nod. If he were a Traitor, he would celebrate a successful murder like he’d hit a nine-darter.
Gone in episode two, still arguing in the hallway.
14.
Snakebite is a walking red flag.
Costumes. Hair. Sunglasses indoors. Changes personality every five minutes. In The Traitors, standing out is fatal. The round table would not survive the first outfit change.
Banished for “vibes”.
13.
Likeable. Emotional. Talks things through.
All terrible traits in this game. Would over-explain his thoughts, reassure everyone he trusts them, then get voted out for “trying too hard”.
Hugged on the way out.
12.
Too honest. Too decent. Looks genuinely wounded when accused.
Which, as Traitors fans know, is suspicious behaviour. “He looked too upset” is all it takes.
Early-to-mid series casualty.
11.
Quietly confident, which buys you time. Unfortunately, he also has “former Traitor” energy written all over him.
Would survive a few banishments, then get taken out because someone suddenly remembered he once won a world title.
10.
Does not want to be there. Actively annoyed by the concept.
Ironically, this helps. People would assume no Traitor would look this bored. But eventually, someone would decide he was “too detached” and that would be that.
Solid mid-table finish.
9.
Tall. Quiet. Says very little.
This is excellent Traitors camouflage. Unfortunately, his refusal to get involved would eventually become a problem. Silence always turns into suspicion.
Eliminated just before the endgame.
8.
Could absolutely play the game.
Deadpan delivery. Comfortable lying. Emotionally unreadable. The issue is that everyone knows this. He would be permanently “on the list”, even if he was right about everything.
Banished after being correct one time too many.
7.
Master of vibes.
Dancing. Bonding. Emotional speeches about trust. Could build alliances effortlessly. Might also overdo it and get clocked as manipulative.
Still, makes it deep. Very deep.
6.
Friendly. Normal. Doesn’t dominate conversations.
Exactly the sort of person who drifts through unnoticed while louder personalities self-destruct. Might accidentally win a shield mission without meaning to.
Dark horse finalist.
5.
Looks permanently stressed, which is ideal.
Everyone would assume he was just reacting to the pressure, not lying. If he were a Traitor, he could ride that nervous energy all the way to the final.
Falls just short after an emotional round table.
4.
So relentlessly cheerful that nobody suspects him of anything beyond being annoyingly upbeat.
Would never lead accusations. Never push a vote. Just smiles, agrees, survives.
Final episode energy.
3.
Big presence, small footprint.
He is there. He contributes. He never makes waves. In Traitors terms, this is gold. Would coast through while others implode over breakfast seating arrangements.
Podium finish minimum.
2.
Ice-cold under pressure. Thinks before speaking. Comfortable letting others talk themselves into trouble.
Could be a terrifying Traitor or an equally effective Faithful. Either way, he would absolutely be there on the final night.
Just misses out.
1.
Perfect Traitors winner.
Everyone underestimates him. Nobody wants to accuse him. He looks like he should be overwhelmed but never is. If he were a Traitor, he would calmly dismantle the group while they argued about someone else.
Lights-to-flag victory. Someone would say “I should’ve seen it” after the reveal. They absolutely should have.
None of this proves who would actually win The Traitors. But it does prove one thing the show reminds us of every year.
Being good, clever, loud, or successful rarely helps. Standing out is usually fatal. The winners are the ones everyone forgets about while the rest talk themselves into trouble.
Which, in hindsight, is very on brand for darts.
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